Reasons why I cannot attend Berean Baptist Church any more. It Is Not Safe.

My church has a 12 step group. They constantly do something that nukes my week.

So there is another group they have called “Untying the Knots.” I told them I could go if “they dont try to FIX me.”

This leads to a discussion with a pastor and I haven’t had that yet. I want a chance to explain to him why adult children of alcoholics cannot attend the church 12 step group – it is a matter of crosstalk.

[see below for ACA material on crosstalk].


Meanwhile as to why I am maybe leaving the church: I do need to give the pastors background material such as the Big Red Book as they can understand this population group of adult children. So the church stops spiritual malpractice and stops sabotaging the recovery of adult children in their congregation. Which I have witnessed first hand.

Anyway, looking at https://untyingknots.org/2021/06/02/hello-world/ I see some principles.

Module 1:
The importance of, and how to create a safe group environment to help us sort through significant life issues.

BINGO! Cross Talk shames and shuts down adult children by triggering their childhood survivor skills .(aka the laundry list). Its like pouring booze down the throat of an alcoholic. VERY UNKIND FOR A CHURCH TO DO THIS.

Module 4:
Why God the Father is the only one we should be listening to concerning the questions of, “Who we are, what we are worth, and where is life found.”

Given that statement, why then do the fundamentalists insist THEY are the ones who give advice and try to tell the members how to live and how to follow God rather than letting God speak to the member? That *IS* the source of the urge to cross talk. “I’m proper, you’re not, you need to repent, that will fix you.” Which is nonsense according to Module 4 above. After getting advice from people you are thinking about what the people said, not what God said. They need to speak THEIR OWN JOURNEY, not yours. WATCH THEIR OWN BOBBER, not yours. Its worse. The fundamentalists want you to cross talk other people and mind their bobber, as if it is any of your business. This is part of their religious conviction.

I spent the last year telling them no, I work only on me. You work on you, I work on me. But they are not listening. They still have to dump a bunch of unwelcome unsolicited advice on you. So in 8 weeks I have not been back.

Tomorrow I am trying another bible study. its not safe so I won’t tell them anything about me ever again. If they don’t know anything they cannot comment on me.

Meanwhile I am going to secular adult children 12 step groups who don’t have Christian PIETY issues. who aren’t FULL OF THEIR OWN RIGHTEOUSNESS.

God speaks to me in those secular groups. I cannot hear God’s voice at Berean Baptist Church because the people talk over him.

If only they would stick to the scriptures and keep their freaking extra-biblical opinions to themselves.

How many people in the universe experience this? I feel like I hear it from tons of folks.

So, is this a Baptist thing? I don’t think so. There is no doctrine that says to do this. Quite the contrary, Mark Chapter 7 speaks against self righteousness and my church gave a sermon on this on July 28th.

Is it a fundamentalist thing? Maybe so. Why? It has to do with tribes. “Our tribe is proper, yours is not. Comply with our tribe.” “Our tribe does it right, your does not, so comply with our tribe. Your are wrong. Your life is wrong. Repent.” It is all based on rules and shame and things artificial.

All humans do this of course. But why does a church do it?

Is there any hope? I don’t know. Right now I am stuck. I have to try something new. It might go sideways because of the culture of fundamentalism. I am sort of paper thin these days. Out of gas. Running on empty. I went to church to get refilled and revitalized and instead I got this crap.

Sept 15, 2024: I tried a new class on worldviews. This changes my mind about leaving the church. The material looks dynamite. The fact the church is investing in this class shows they have their thinking hats on. And over the last year I had not seen that much thinking effort put into the church direction.